Hello, is anybody there? I wonder who would even read this. It may seem like I have abandoned this website, but I didn’t forget. I’ve just become more private in the past two years, wanting to share less and just kind of disappear from sharing my thoughts on the internet. The pandemic wasn’t an easy time for anybody. While it disrupted my plans and life in Zambia to go back to the US for the longest time since leaving in 2012, it still wasn’t the worst time period for me. I am grateful to have never gotten COVID yet nor have had close loved ones get seriously ill, but it was still collectively difficult while everyone was just trying to survive. Though I often felt disappointed by humanity during the pandemic, I still maintained a glimmer of hope that kept me going. I am lucky to have stumbled into a community that brought me closer to my Korean identity and brought me a lot of comfort and joy.
For the past few years, I spent a lot of time introspecting about my privilege, the lifestyle it afforded me, how to share the stories and perspectives ethically (if that’s even possible), my identity as a Korean American adoptee, etc. I have complicated feelings of both guilt and gratitude. I write them into a personal journal and sometimes think maybe I should share them with the world, but my anxious brain thinks “who am I to even think people would even care?” and “what if I say something that comes off the wrong way and I get doxxed?” Fear is powerful. I cognitively know that and it shouldn’t stop me from expressing myself. Isn’t it just easier to keep to yourself?
That being said, this is my personal blog. I haven’t looked back at old posts in years, but I have a feeling I would cringe at some posts. Unless really problematic, I likely wouldn’t change nor delete anything because that was just me at the time. I’ve grown and changed a lot since then. We all do.
That just reminded of a time I was in 6th grade and came across coloring pages and drawings from when I was in kindergarten. I ripped them up and threw them out because I was so embarrassed as if I knew so much about the world as a middle schooler. During college, I found journals from high school and threw them out without reading because I was too mortified. I don’t regret it, but having an archive might could interesting to look back on as we change.
As someone in my mid-30s now, I don’t physically feel old, but the sound of my age inexplicably sounds old. If live to double this age, I know I’ll look back and laugh about my naivety just how I look back to my early 20s. Considering this, I’m just trying to remain present because life chapters go quickly. I used to think once adults become adults, they don’t change much, but I was so wrong. I look forward to growing and seeing where life takes me even though I have no idea where I’ll be 2, 5, 10 years from now. 18-year-old Lianne never would imagine I’d be in my 30s working in fisheries and taking bucket baths outside every day. But I am loving this chapter of my life! Our time in Zambia is coming to a close soon, though. And I’ll look back fondly on this life chapter as I do with time spent living in Korea or out of our station wagon in Australia.
I started this blog in 2010 to document my first travels to Asia after graduating from university. It morphed into sharing tips for meaningful long-term travel on an extreme budget (Adam and I still have been maintaining $15 US or less each per day), my adoption story, Peace Corps experience, etc. Somehow, the internet brought strangers to my site and many have reached out thanking me for the information. Someone even said my writings helped them decide to search for their birth family. Those messages mean a lot to me and is what inspire me to keep producing content. So if you are reading this, thank you and I hope you find some value!
I have a lot of jumbled thoughts in my head and it takes some time to put them into coherent words. I am not as shy about expressing myself via writing. When it comes to speaking in person, however, my anxious brain has a hard time putting together words on the spot and I’d rather just keep things light than say anything controversial or too personal. Isolation and living in non-English speaking places for so many years probably has not helped. I am probably being hard on myself because we humans tend to do that! So, I am thankful for this outlet and feel bad about abandoning it for two years.
All that being said, I will try to be more diligent about posting from here on out! Some topics I may write about in future posts:
- Reinstating back to Zambia in May 2022 (Still here as of February 2023!). Not much has changed, but at the same time, A LOT has changed.
- My trip to Korea with OKF (Overseas Korea Foundation) in November 2021 and having a wonderful time with my birth family, but was probably the most emotionally fraught trip.
- Our 3 months in Mexico. We really enjoyed our time there but not sure what to write about that hasn’t already been said.
- Random musings about life and my eclectic assortment of passions (seaweed, soil, being resourceful, simple living, BTS, cycling)
- Adoptee thoughts
What topics would you be interested in?
Here are some random photos from 2020-2022. Just now seeing how much I use the peace sign when taking photos, but I’m not going to stop. It’s just instinct now!
2 thoughts on “Hi, I’m Alive!”
After reading your email/post I just wanted to say that (it’s a casual thing) but I do read your emails and posts – I went to Korea in 2012 with my Korean wife and kids and while I was in Korea I discovered your blog – your story was really interesting and through reading your blog actually helped me to understand some of the complex situations with Korean adoptees – who inevitably standing out as a white English speaker in Korea, I met quite a few. So I guess that proves your ‘personal blog’ does actually impact others. And as a keen writer myself, I appreciated your writing talent too.
But I totally get where you are coming from – we all change and you may ‘put down the pen’ for a while – but I guess you will always write and if that’s in a private journal and it works for you – then do that.
I am 46 and find it hard to write about my life, but I write about technology, I write for work, I self-published a couple of books etc – that’s my outlet.
Anyway, I just felt compelled to reply as at the beginning of your email you were saying ‘who reads this?’ – so I wanted to put my hand up to that.
Take care – The photos of you and your partner in all those exotic places look great too – so I hope you are as happy as you look.
Thank you so much for your comment! I am frankly shocked to learn people actually followed my posts and that you think I am a talented writer. I should believe in myself more! Thanks for the motivation to keep writing.
Are you still in Korea? What are some books that you’ve published?
Hope you have a good rest of your day! Thanks again for your comment.