I suppose I have difficulties articulating my thoughts through speech because I am always in such a rush, get nervous, and I throw disorganized words out of my mouth. I have been told, however, that I exaggerate this speech ‘impediment’ if you will. Either way, writing things down has been good to me so I can organize my thoughts slowly. I have always kept some sort of journal whether it be a top secret lock and key diary as a school girl, livejournal in high school, my travel journal, or this public blog.
I notice that every time I read an entry from the distant past, I blush, cannot force myself to read it out of embarrassment, and delete.
I wish I kept those diaries from third grade. I could analyze myself as a developing human being. I remember writing about what I did that day and what I was proud of. I remember writing about how my brother got sick and he threw up. I remember drawing a picture of said incident.
I recently looked back at some entries from freshman and sophomore year of college. Yes, they are embarrassing. Did I really think like that? Why was I making such a big deal over such insignificant things? Of course, what was important then is not important to me anymore. What is important to me now may not be important to me in the future.
One take-home message is that whatever you think is a big deal right now probably won’t be a big deal in a few months’ time (there are exceptions of course). Let your initial emotions explode but afterward, take a step back and thoroughly think about why you are feeling what you are feeling. Ask yourself – will it matter in a week from now? Six months? Twenty years? If anything, you can look back at this thing that you are worrying about and laugh at it. It’ll make a good story later on. Maybe you’ll look back at it and remember how upset you were and how you are so happy now. Vice versa, perhaps you’ll look back to a time when you were excruciatingly happy that you can be hopeful that the present bout of sadness will attenuate.
This process does not have to be over long periods of time. While climbing never ending rocks at a northern Seoul mountain in the grueling humidity with no-grip shoes, it was unpleasant at the time. I put my mind to it and worked through the steps so steep that I had to pull myself up with provided ropes at certain points. There were times that I wanted to give up. However I persevered with motivation from Oscar and from the geared-up ajummas surpassing us. Once we got to the top, all of the pain was gone. Although it was too foggy to see the view of the city, it was beautiful nonetheless. There were other satisfied hikers at the top. We all remained quiet and enjoyed the scenery while catching our breath and resting our muscles. You have to challenge yourself to enjoy some of the greatest things in life.