I suppose I will post some of my recent thoughts about the recent past, the now, and the near future.
Well, something significant happened last week. I graduated from college. The ceremony was nice even though I was confused with what to do, when to stand up, etc. It was fun watching people walk. I saw a girl who sat next to me in the library the very night before, blasting hip hop on her headphones. I saw a person who I have sat next to on the shuttle numerous times. And of course, I saw some of my closest friends walk. My parents, friends, mentors, bosses, and colleagues are so supportive. I am nothing without them! I can’t thank them enough.
I suppose it hasn’t completely hit me that I’m finished yet. The truth is, I’m not finished. I still have a thesis to bind, some research to work on, some audiotapes to transcribe, some data to scan, some articles to read. At least some of the pressure was released, though. Being a student is just a huge part of my identity.
Every year of college was different. As a native Jersey girl (people don’t believe me), I moved to the south and was confused when an employee at Publix said “hello, how are you today?” and when I was allowed to make U-turns. I was confused when I had to pump my own gas, when I saw churches on every single street, and when it downpoured daily for only a few minutes at a time. Frankly, I did not do any research about Jacksonville before moving here. Now that I look back, that is very unlike me, but I suppose I was in a different mindset at 18. I am a completely different person now.
I am constantly changing as are my surroundings. That is what makes life interesting. However, the past two years of my life have been stagnant. Well, I suppose that’s a lie. I learned to be confident in my abilities. I matured. I prioritized. I cut out all negativity in my life. I was productive and efficient. I met some incredibly talented and motivated individuals. I feel so lucky to have had so much support from the people in my life that I don’t know if I can ever repay them. I narrowed in so much on just school, work, and research that I didn’t keep up with other parts of my life such as health, current events, music, art, crafts, books, movies, bike riding, and all of the other things that used to be central in my life. I don’t feel well balanced anymore.
I was so busy that I had no time for self-reflection. It was enriching and challenging and I have no regrets. However, I am starting to question why am I doing all that I do? What is the purpose? I have my goals and I know who I want to help and my mission, but are my goals necessary to do what I really want to do and help those whom I really want to help? I’ll see. I don’t know if I want to be a workaholic for the rest of my life. That overused Ferris Bueller quote is overused for a reason.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.